Today I'm 29...

Once a year, my dear family and close friends congratulate my birthday which happens today. Though I have stopped to feel excited about it since I enter 25 yet it always nice to know that some people still remember my birthday especially the love one. Once a year I could say : "Today is my day"

Today I feel grateful coz Allah still give a chance to me- the girl who sometimes forget about Him- to live this life.
I feel grateful for my career. It's not a perfect one yet the compensation more than enough to support my "save less spend more" habit :) and I meet many wonderful people during doing the job desk.

Today I still single yet I feel grateful about it because I could spend my money for myself, able to travel anywhere I please and no need to worry about any domestic problems. Although the fact of haven't find the right men hassle me sometimes but I could deal with that.

Today I have someone in my heart who I miss from time to time but it possible that he's not that in to me and it makes me care less about married because he might not be the groom. But still I feel grateful for loving him unconditionally. It's silly yet it's real.

But most of all I feel grateful that I have a wonderful family who never stop loving me, believe in me and support me during good and especially bad time. I will never trade them for anything in the world.

Today I feel grateful because I devoted to Rafael Nadal who has sexy butt and Nicholas Saputra who melt me with his eyes.
Today I feel grateful because I could generate pictures from my Nikon that gain many good responds in my Multiply.
Today I feel grateful because I have best friends who's willing to listen to my problem, pat my shoulder then say "You'll be find"
Today I feel grateful because I still able embracing this life with optimistic thinking despite of any cynical comments that I throw for all of government policy. (hehehe :D)
Today I feel grateful because I'm good looking, have a cool style, great body and well educated. (Oh yeah...I get narsistic more and more ;p)
Today I'm 29 years old. I hate the number yet I feel grateful for being well, safe and happy with my life.

Shall I move on?

I know from the beginning when I decide to give my heart to him, I might be lonely. That feeling is like an echo at the hollow cliff.
Yet it never stopped me to put hope above the sky, dreamt about him over the day and felt miserable just by longing him.
I shouldn’t read between the lines too much. I shouldn’t over cheer with his attention. I shouldn’t do effortless effort. I shouldn’t think his the only one for me.
I should listen more to my friends’ advice. I should open my eyes and heart to someone else. I should let somebody else get close to me. I should move on…
But the idea of erasing him from my heart even hurt me more. Coz I still feel his warm hand when he held my hand gently, when his gentle eyes look back at me and when his lovely smile made my heart pounding faster.
I should move on…I know that. But give me sometime to prepare. It’s never easy to rip your heart and harshly pull out the love inside it.
I should move on…I will…Just let me collect the strength first. This will be a battle that I am willing to lost…easily.
I should move on…I know… I will…not soon.

Les questions pour mon amour

Last night when I watched House MD tv series, I startled by its soundtrack. Every lyrics on that song describe every question that I would like to ask to the men who nowhere of my sight yet very close to my heart. That questions lied on my mind for so long but hard to spell out even in email . A question as simple as :

Are you alright?

All the sudden you went away.

Are you alright?

I hope you come back around someday.

Are you alright?

I haven't seen you in a real long time.

Are you alright?

Could you give me some kind of sign.

Are you alright?

I looked around me and you were gone.

Are you alright?

I feel like there must be something wrong.

Are you alright?

'Cause it seems like you disappeared.

Are you alright?'

Cause I been feeling a little scared.

Are you alright?

Are you sleeping through the night?

Do you have someone to hold you tight?

Do you have someone to hang out with?

Do you have someone to hug and kiss you,

Hug and kiss you,Hug and kiss you?

Are you alright?

Are you alright?

Is there something been bothering you?

Are you alright?

I wish you'd give me a little clue.

Are you alright?

Is there something you wanna say?

Are you alright?

Just tell me that you're okay.

Are you alright?

'Cause you took off without a word.

Are you alright?

You flew away like a little bird.

Are you alright?

Is there anything I can do?Are you alright?'

Cause I need to hear from you.

Are you alright?

Are you alright?

Are you alright?

New Year..New Resolution?

Eeeeeh....2009 already? Darn! how time flies...
How was my life in 2008? Was there anything good happened? Let's see...
My career...I wouldn't say great but ...it's Ok. No robust career development..just usual work yet I guess I'm getting better with what I do.Coz..finally I could do my own project and gave big income to company. Also I got enormous increase...oh yeah! after fought for it for 6 exhausting months. Alhamdulillah...
For love life...eeemmmm...after wandering about a year and questioned my heart over and over again..I finally bravely said to myself : I'm in love with him. Bravely because there's possibility it'll be end up in agony though I have put extra effort not to let that to happen. But future it's not written yet.I might or might not give up loving him someday soon but I'll never regret fall for him coz if not him then it'll not be anyone else...
Traveling? I went to new place last year. Cebu Island in Phillipines. It was a great place where greenish blue sea meets with clear blue sky. For the first time in my life I swum with fishes, literally and went snorkeling. I fed hungry fishes whose tried to eat my fingers when breads in my hand alreay run out. But the most important thing is he was also there. Indeed that vacation couldn't be better without having him next to me.
After Cebu, I determined to get PADI license in Bali. Some say Bali is a great place to get diving license. The plan was quite solid and I already booked flight ticket but a blood sucker mosquito ruined everything. I was collapsed caused by Dengue fever and stayed in hospital for 5 days just a month before I fly to Bali. So...this can be a resolution for 2009.
Master Degree? Got it just before 'the referee blow end of game whistle'. Phiuuuuhhh... It took 3 fatigue years to accomplish my graduate degree. It's not because the lecture was too difficult but I was suck in time arrangement between work and school. Work always come before school so no wonder I graduated with fair GPA. huhuhuhu... :( Then right after graduation, I enrolled myself again to France course. I took this course in 2004 for 1.5 years but I have to postpone coz I wanted to concentrate to my graduate school. Now, I have my degree and no need to delay anymore. This course will be a preparation for one of my 2009 plan.
Hmmm...what's left...Photography? I still couldn't get my name as nominee or finalist or winner for any Photography competition that I joined. Ck! I guess...this is also another resolution for 2009?
Ok for 2009 resolution. Before I started I need to explain that actually... this is not my habit, making resolutions for a new year. I have several long term plans but I don't bother to make any short term plans and renew them every year. I tend to let everything flows naturally. But since this year I have some urge plans then why not called it " Dini's 2009 Resolution".
So what will I do?...Let's start for traveling: Je vais aller a francais cette anne!!! or in other word : "I'll go to France this year!" Actually this is an overdue wish. I've been dreaming of it since the last 5 years. I even take france lesson so that I can understand the languange when I'm in France later. This plan almost failed when Rupiah acts so lame to Dollar. But I have determined that whatever happen I'll go to Paris this year. Perhaps if I have enough dime I'll drop by to Amsterdam as well then go to Van Gogh museum. He's my favorite painter. Ooooh....can't hardly wait...to wake up in the morning and see eiffel tower in reachable distance.
Then another resolutions are I have to spend more time reading. This is because whenever I travel overseas I always dropped by to my favorite bookstores : Border or Kinokuniya (They have complete and variance books rather in Indonesia) and bought books and literatures but when I got back those books remains at racks and getting dusty. I keep telling to myself to read them soon yet soon delayed longer. So I need to push myself realiazing that intention : Reading more. On new year day, I have finished reading " Snow in Kilimanjaro" by Hemingway. Though I could barely understand his stories yet it was a good start. Next is Anna Karenina by Leo tolstoy or Fiesta by Hemingway (again) ? Also I want to write more in order to convert tons of idea in my mind in to solid words. Many years I keep those ideas in my mind but it's about to change.
How bout love life? A marriage perhaps? Hmmm.... I don't know. I used to pursue to get married when I reached 27. That year already past and I'm still being gorgeous single (hehehe :D). I guess I made that target just because an idea and influenced by people surrounding me. Not because I really need it. So I decide not to make any target to get married. Just let it flow. When the time is right it'll happen and perhaps I might not see it coming :D
What else? Ah...the next thing is a wish...with an effort though. I wish I could get a new & better carrer overseas. This year will be a perfect year to grab a new challenge in new place. Let's hope by help from Allah, this wish will come true.
That's all my resolutions for now. Let's hope everything will pan out as its plan.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!!

Ibu kontrakan yg mengejutkan...

Pagi ini seperti biasa Mbak Ida - asisten rumah tangga ibu kontrakan- (Gw ngontrak rumah. Jadi yg punya kontrakan gw panggil "Ibu kontrakan" aja ya) mengantarkan cucian yg udah rapih. Ternyata...ini adalah kali terakhir dia mengantarkan cucian gw karna dia pamit mau pulang kampung & nggak bakal balik lagi.
Yang terlintas dalam pikiran gw pas dia pamit adalah : "Jadi ntar sapa yang mau nyuciin & nyetrika baju gw? Masak nyuci sendiri? (keluh)"
Trus gw tanya alasan dia "resign". Jawabannya sungguh mengejutkan. Katanya dia udah nggak tahan lagi kerja ama ibu kontrakan karna ibu kontrakan suka ngomong kasar ama dia and dia mengatakan hal tersebut sambil berlinang air mata. Gw and adik gw cuma terbengong-bengong aja ngedengernya. Antara percaya and nggak. Soale ibu kontrakan yang kita kenal orangnya sangat baik and santun. Tiap kita komplain-misalnya soal air yg kadang suka ngadat-dia pasti sigap menyelesaikan masalah tersebut and sambil berkali-kali minta maap. Waktu itu aja pas gw baru pindah and nanyain salon mana yang bagus disekitar rumah (pas mo kondangan tuh), dia nggak hanya menunjukkan jalannya tapi malah sekalian nganterin kesalon tersebut. Bikin gw terkesan ama kebaikan dia. Trus pas gw kemukakan soal kebaikan ibu kontrakan ke Mbak Ida, dengan ketusnya dia bilang "Diluarnya aja yang baik, Mbak!" . Gw and adik gw cuma bisa terdiam. Akhirnya mbak Ida pun pamit and nggak berapa lama meninggalkan rumah untuk terakhir kalinya.
Perkataan mbak Ida tentang ibu kontrakan bikin gw berpikir. Benarkah ibu kontrakan hanya baik dipermukaan aja? Benarkah beliau memperlakukan mbak Ida semena-mena? Entahlah...tapi hal ini membuat gw & adik gw jadi lebih berhati-hati bersikap terhadap ibu kontrakan. You never know...what's inside people's heart & mind...
Tapi...siapa nih, yang mo nyuciin & nyetrikain baju gw?? huhuhuhu.... :(

Full Moon...

It was full moon yesterday.

I was standing in front of CCF gate yesterday night and waiting for taxi. Then when I looked up, I saw a full moon covered by puffy clouds. It soft ligth allured in painted dark blue sky. Mon Dieu...elle est magnifique!

When I arrived at home, before I opened the front door, I just stood for a while at the terrace and looked up again to that Goddes of Night and thinking...Should I take her picture? Could my Nikon 55-200mm lens capture her face well? But..then I decided..."Next time, gorgeus...next time"

Different...

It was different...
The sidewalk, the air, the ligth, the sky, the trees
were looked different without you

I missed you when i walked on that sidewalk..

I missed you when i breath that air..

I missed you when that light luminance upon me...

I missed you when i looked at those trees and sky..

But what I missed the most was your warm hand holding my cold hand..

It was different...without you..