Huuuuhhhh....why oh why everytime I posted a story in my blog it has something to do with him? Especially when my last post was 2 months ago. A great and exciting thing has happened during that time for instance I went to Paris! Yeah..I have realized my long time dream yet instead of do story telling about the best vacation that I ever had, all i want now is writing about him.
Yes..It's about him...again. Before I went to Paris, on one morning I wake up after one miserable week of longing him then said to myself : "Well enough is enough. I'm done thingking of him. He's out of my head and heart!" Then he did out of my head and heart. I kind a forgot about him...I guess because I focused on preparing the trip to Paris.
Then when I feel I have moved on, he's nowhere in my head, also after I brag to the world that I'm over him, he started sending text. That was really nagging me! He never ever sent any text before I texted him first. The content of those texts are so ordinary and nothing special about it. But his initiative to get in touch and to know how I've been lately was a question mark for me. Why now?
But of course, that texting is not last...after few days he just stopped sending text. Leave me with a brand new silly hope and bring me back to ignorance romantic imagination that I have erased before with countless effort . This is like back to zero.
I dreamed about him yesterday. He was no where on my sight and I was almost desperate sougth for him. When I found him, there he was chatted cheerfully with people that I don't know. I was so relieved finding him then I hugged him from the back...(God even in a dream it felt so good and convenience). He hugged me back then we kissed. He smiled at me like I'm the only reason for him to smile in this world. (Oh God...I wish this part of this dream appeared every night). I could feel that he also glad and relieved we meet again. Then...it appeared to me, why he wasn't searched for me?I was literally almost desperate searched for him anywhere and everywhere yet I don't see that kind effort from him. When I asked him about that...his face started to blur and he's faded away...but before I woke up, I heard someone in my head said : he did try to find you. He was also sougth for you anywhere...But even so, I know that was a lie.
As I wrote this note, I realized actually that wasn't a happy dream as I thought before. It was a sad dream. It was a reflection of what I feel about him and what he feel to me. I'm the one who always put an effort just to make him see me...feel me. Yet it was effortless effort.
I could say I'm moved on yet I couldn't let myself not to miss him. I miss him now and I don't know for how long. I guess...I'm over him...just a little.
